Amee
Two weeks ago, I’m hosting my book club and panicking because I completely forgot about appetizers until three hours before everyone arrives. These women show up with gorgeous homemade cheese boards and artisanal everything, while I’m standing in my kitchen having a full breakdown about how I’m going to pull together something that doesn’t scream … Read more
Memorial Day weekend last year, I’m prepping for our first backyard barbecue of the season when I lift the lid on our grill and nearly lose my appetite. The grates look like they’ve been marinating in their own grease since the Clinton administration. Chunks of mystery meat welded to the surface, a layer of carbonized … Read more
Thursday afternoon last week, I’m in my kitchen when I spot my neighbor walking up our front walkway with what looks like a casserole dish. Sweet gesture, right? Except our front porch looked like a garage sale had exploded. Two pairs of muddy sneakers, a soccer ball, my daughter’s abandoned backpack, a watering can, and … Read more
Memorial Day weekend three years ago, I eagerly dragged our patio furniture out of winter storage, ready to finally enjoy some outdoor living after months of being cooped up inside. I pulled the covers off our cushions and nearly cried. What had been beautiful, expensive outdoor cushions last fall were now disgusting specimens of what … Read more
Last Tuesday morning, I walked out to water my wilted tomato plants and discovered our garden hose had apparently transformed overnight into some kind of modern art installation. It was twisted, kinked, and tangled around itself in ways that seemed to defy several laws of physics, sprawled across the patio like a giant green snake … Read more
Saturday evening last week, I’m finally settled on our back patio with a glass of wine and a book, ready to enjoy the first decent weather we’d had in months. Five minutes later, I looked like I was performing some kind of interpretive dance as I swatted at the cloud of mosquitoes that had apparently … Read more
Three days ago, I opened our refrigerator to grab lunch ingredients and discovered what can only be described as a grocery store crime scene. Someone had apparently eaten half of my carefully planned dinner leftovers, leaving behind a container with exactly two bites of chicken and some sad, lonely vegetables. Meanwhile, three different half-eaten bags … Read more
Two weeks ago, I pulled a load of “clean” towels out of the washer and nearly gagged. They smelled like a combination of wet dog, old gym socks, and something that might have died in a swamp. I thought maybe I’d left them sitting too long after the cycle finished, so I rewashed them with … Read more
Last Wednesday at 7 AM, I opened our microwave to heat my coffee and nearly screamed. The entire inside looked like a crime scene from a pasta sauce explosion. Crusty orange splatters coating the ceiling, mysterious chunks welded to the sides, and that smell that can only be described as “despair mixed with marinara.” My … Read more
So there I was at 9 PM last Tuesday, laptop battery flashing red, desperately pawing through what I like to call our “cord graveyard.” You know the one – that drawer where charging cables go to die in a tangled mess that defies physics. I’m pulling out mystery cords that probably belonged to a Nokia … Read more