Two weeks ago, I spent forty-five minutes arranging and rearranging throw pillows on our couch because they “didn’t look quite right” for a photo I wanted to post on social media. Forty-five minutes. Of my actual life. Dedicated to pillow positioning that literally nobody except me would ever notice or care about. Standing there fluffing … Read more
Last month, our upstairs bathroom light fixture died, leaving us with one working bulb that made the room feel like a horror movie set. I asked my husband to replace it on a Tuesday. Then again on Thursday. By the following week, I was using increasingly creative language to express my frustration about showering in … Read more
Three months ago, Saturday morning cleaning turned into World War III when I discovered my husband had “cleaned” the bathroom by basically moving dirt around with a dry cloth while leaving the toilet untouched because “it didn’t look that bad.” Meanwhile, I’d spent two hours deep-cleaning the kitchen only to find him reorganizing my freshly … Read more
Last Sunday evening, I’m relaxing with a book when I hear my husband loading the dishwasher. Normally this would make me happy, except I can tell from the sounds that he’s committing what I consider crimes against efficient dish organization. Plates facing the wrong direction, bowls nested together where they won’t get clean, silverware thrown … Read more
Two months ago, I’m standing in our kitchen staring at an overflowing trash can that my husband has somehow managed to ignore for three days. The garbage is literally spilling onto the floor, and he’s walked past it approximately twenty-seven times while acting like it’s invisible furniture that doesn’t require human interaction. My usual response … Read more
Last Thursday morning, I’m rushing to get ready for work when I notice the bathroom faucet is still dripping – the same drip I asked my husband to fix three weeks ago. When I mentioned it (again), he looked genuinely surprised and said, “You asked me to fix that? I don’t remember you saying anything … Read more
Tuesday evening last week, I’m expecting my book club in an hour when I walk into our living room and get hit with a smell that can only be described as “salmon dinner meets teenage boy’s gym bag with undertones of wet dog.” The lingering aroma from last night’s fish dinner had apparently decided to … Read more
Three weeks ago, I’m hosting my mother-in-law’s birthday dinner, and everything is going smoothly until I realize I completely forgot about dessert. Not just forgot to prep it – forgot it exists as a concept entirely. Meanwhile, this woman has spent thirty years making elaborate homemade desserts for every family gathering, and I’m about to … Read more
Last Saturday’s dinner party almost killed me, and it wasn’t from cooking stress or cleaning panic. It was from jumping up every three minutes to refill someone’s wine glass, grab another beer from the fridge, or hunt down the coffee pot for someone who wanted decaf. By the time dessert arrived, I’d logged approximately seventeen … Read more
Friday night two weeks ago, I’m hosting my first dinner party in months, feeling pretty proud that I managed to get the house clean and dinner prepped without any major catastrophes. Guests are due in twenty minutes, and I’m doing that final walk-through to make sure everything looks perfect when I hear it – the … Read more